Up date on query letter. Tell me what you think pretty please.

Somebodies name

Abc company

123 Street Way

Anywhere, USA 12345

Dear Editor/Publisher,

I hate having nightmares, don’t you?  Good thing we don’t have to deal with them like fifteen-year-old Melissa does because she is caught up in a whirlwind of her nightmares as they become reality.  She discovers someone that looks like a ghost is hiding counterfeit money in coffins in the field across the street from her house; and to top it off her mom has a connection.

Dreams, Ghosts, AND Coffins is a Young Adult suspense novel with a twist of history. The word count is 58,900.

I have read several of your books like ….., ….., and ……  and I feel mine would fit right in with this genera. (Okay, is this sentence a yea or a nay?)

Thank you for your time and look forward to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Jeanette S. Andersen

Address

Phone #

Email

I feel the second sentence is a bit to long and needs to be shortened or reworded.  Comments?  Thanks.