Wednesday, September 9, 2015

More stuff

Sorry, I've gone weeks with nothing and now I'm posting tuns in a couple days.  So, here is what I have from suggestions to the sentence I asked help for.  This is page one for my new book.  Comments, feedback, good, bad, trash, etc. and thanks.

The school bus honked. Fourteen year old Melissa Mack flung a backpack over her shoulder, snatched two strawberry Pop-Tarts from the toaster, and ran out the front door. The bus driver who everyone called J. H. (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) caused the unoiled screeching door to open with a shrill as metal banged on metal nearly breaking the sound barrier. “You need to hurry faster, young lady.” His tone was eerie.
Rules rules rules. Missy thought. Try’s to scare us for being late on the bus, or else. She shrugged and looked for an empty seat.
“Back here,” Maura, one of her so-called friends waved her arms.
As the bus moved a couple of threatening inches, Missy lost her balance, and was thrown into the nearest seat-unfortunately already occupied. Her hands scrunched on a guy’s chest she didn’t recognize. Worse, he sat by Kaleb who had a mouth with an attitude.
“Starting your klutziness early today, Missy?
Giving Kaleb a dirty look, she pushed her body up before full contact.  “Oh crap, sorry.” Missy made a disgusted look at the red jam and crumbs smeared on the guy’s shirt.
“No prob,” he said with a smile and brushed off what he could. Missy gave a sorry smile in return, and walked back to sit by Maura with the echo of Kaleb’s smirks.  J. H. permitted himself a small snicker as he closed the bus’s door with ease.
“That’s a great way to meet the new guy.” Maura said.
“New guy?”
“You’ll find out in time.” Maura scooted over on the bench.

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